Fool of a Fellowship!
by Phillica Clayaway
Summary: The Fellowship of the Ring retold from each character's point of view as Gandalf abuses them verbally. Movie-verse. Warning: I am not a Gandalf hater. I just like being mean to any character I come across. Rated K plus for some head-bonking.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok, so I wrote this because I felt like doing angst for awhile. I like angst. So please read, relish, and review!

Disclaimer: I am not a Gandalf hater. I just got this plot idea and wanted to carry it out. So please, don't get on me! I also do _not _own** The Lord of the Rings. **Movie or book. But I'd be thrilled if you gave me the rights for it for my birthday!**  
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Fool of a Fellowship!

Chapter 1: Fool!Pippin

Gandalf was grumpy. As usual. So when Pippin innocently asked where they were going after sitting behind a statue where he couldn't really hear what was going on, the wizard bonked him on the head.

'Fool of a Took!' he said, irritably.

Pippin went to pout.

The next day, the fellowship left Rivendell. That journey was the worst ever for Pippin. He couldn't do anything right. Gandalf told him to make sure they didn't forget the carrots for Bill. Pippin ran around Rivendell all morning trying to find some carrots, and finally gave up 'cause he was afraid they would leave without him. Of course, Gandalf was furious when they stopped for eleventies to find that they _had._ It hadn't really been Pippin's fault but Gandalf bonked him on the head anyway. Then Boromir accidentally cut Merry's hand and in the scuffle that followed, Boromir's ankle got twisted, making him limp the rest of the day. Inevitably, Pip shouldered almost all of the blame.

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Pippin sat on the slopes of Caradhras, feeling angsty. He and Gandalf had gotten pretty far ahead of the others, but then Gandalf had told him to stop.

'Why?' he had asked.

'Don't be a fool, Peregrin, we must wait for the ringbearer to catch up.'

Perhaps if Pippin had known that Gandalf was only stopping to catch his breath, he wouldn't have felt so angsty, but nevertheless, he didn't and he did. Of course, Frodo was a wimp, and never exercised, so he was the last one in line. Gandalf had caught his breath and was stricter than ever.

'Peregrin, don't drag your feet on the ground. Peregrin! Stop tying braids in Meriadoc's hair. Peregrin, stop singing!'

By the time they had reached the summit, our poor Pippin was angstier than ever. He had trouble making it through the drifts of snow, so Boromir took pity on him and Merry and picked them up.

'Hold onto me,' he said, heroically, and waded through the snow with the hobbits in his arms.

Now Pippin felt really angsty. He felt like he was only making trouble for the entire fellowship, and wanted to run back to the Green Dragon, but he didn't know the way and had horrifying visions of a wrathful Gandalf descending upon him in fury because he had deserted. So he held tight and didn't say a word.

Not surprisingly, the pass of Caradhras didn't work out too well, since it was Gandalf's idea, and they decided to go through the mines of Moria. Then they released Bill (which didn't make any sense since Gandalf had been so mad when Pip didn't get the carrots), and Gandalf tried to remember the password for the doors. Pippin waited impatiently. Gimli had been boasting to Legolas about the beauties of the mines, and there had been two words that had caught Pippin's ear. Malt beer. His mouth was already watering in anticipation. So when Gandalf couldn't remember the password, Pippin was very dissapointed, and asked in his awesome scottish accent, what they were going to do.

'Knock your head against these doors, Peregrin Took, and if that does not shatter them, at least I shall have some peace from your foolish questions!'

Pippin's angst returned (did I forget to say that it had departed?). Eventually, Frodo finally did something useful and told Gandalf the right password. The doors opened. Pippin had a very strong urge to say 'Fool of a Stormcrow' but refrained. Then Frodo got pulled into the lake and Pippin felt angsty because he hadn't been able to save him. Boromir and Aragorn did, though and they all ran into the mines, where Pip was dissapointed to find that there would be no malt beer for him. It wasn't a mine, it was a tomb.

Then they found Balin's coffin and Gimli was having so much trouble with his prosthetics, he had to kneel down and cry. That's what he said, at least. Pippin's angst had departed and he was getting bored. So he tried to dissect the skeleton that was sitting on the edge of a random well. Unfortunately, the head fell off and made a ton of noise. Then the whole body fell down the well. Gandalf bonked Pippin on the head.

'Fool of a Took!' he cried, grabbing his hat which he had given to Pippin earlier. 'Next time throw yourself in as well.'

They suddenly heard a lot of screams. Legolas gave everyone the news bulletin.

'Orcs,' he said.

Boromir stuck his head out the door and ducked as an arrow flew over it. His head, not the door.

'They have a cave troll,' he said, with some surprise, but no small amount of displeasure. The cave troll bashed up the door and came stamping in. Pippin and Merry watched as it crept around the pillar where Frodo was hiding. Frodo accidentally stepped out right in front of it and it skewered him with a spear. Pippin and Merry screamed and jumped on the foul monster. It knocked Merry off and and then Legolas shot it. They all ran to Frodo, who sat up.

'You're not dead?' asked Gimli, relieved.

'No,' said Frodo, 'I have this awesome Mithril shirt that Uncle Bilbo gave me. But why didn't you warn me that I was coming around the wrong side, Pip?'

**_Pippin angst…_**

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Ok, don't ask me why I wrote it the way I did. My stories never come out the way I wanted them to. But there will be another chapter. So please review!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here you go. I'm back! **ccgaylord: **Thank you for your review! I like to bash any and all of my characters. I bash Pippin a little bit in here. *looks guilty* **Guest:** Thank you! Yes, I'm planning to do the whole fellowship. But I need suggestions on things for them to do that Gandalf gets on them for. Hint, hint. **OneSizeFitsAll: **Thank you too! You guys are so nice. Yes, Pippin is very angsty, but I like him that way. As I said, I like angst. **Lily Lindsey-Aubrey: **Thank you, and here you go! Introducing…

Chapter 2: Fool!Merry

Gandalf was grumpy. As usual. And the reason for his grumpiness was young Meriadoc, who had hidden behind a statue during the council, and so couldn't walk very well because his legs were stiff.

'Fool of a Brandybuck!' he exclaimed, bonking the hobbit on the head.

Merry went to sulk.

The next day, he smuggled some pipeweed into Bill's saddle bag and when the wizard found out, refused to give him any, so Mithrandir bonked him on the head again, and sent him to his sleeping bag without supper. Merry cried himself to sleep.

In the morning, he had a cold, and Gandalf grumbled because almost everyone was sure to catch it, and they couldn't afford a delay. So Merry spent the day hiding with Pippin. And then the two threw Aragorn on his back, making him sore for a while and quite grumpy, so they had to stay away from him too.

Now it was Merry's turn to be angsty. He angsted all day and tried to write an angsty song. It sounded horrible and only got him into more trouble.

The next few days were not so bad. Meriadoc was as good as gold and felt very happy. On the third day, however, he accidentally killed one of Gandalf's favourite butterflies and Gandalf yelled at him for it. More angst for Merry.

When they got to the pass of Caradhras, a whole bunch of snow fell down his neck and he felt cold and even angstier. Boromir exclaimed that he had never carried anyone so heavy in his life, and Merry wondered fretfully if he hadn't better go on a diet. Then the mountain came down on top of them. So they went to the mines of Moria.

The mines were right next to a lake and Merry started chucking stones in. Pippin followed his example and Aragorn grabbed him.

'Do not disturb the water,' he said. Boromir looked worried, and Merry felt bad because he had gotten Pip into trouble.

Then they went into the mines and immediately ran back out because there was a bunch of dead dwarves in them. But Frodo got almost eaten by a big hydra monster and they had to go back in. Then they got lost. Merry had never felt so angsty before. And then Pippin had to go do something stupid as usual and pushed something down a well making a huge racket and causing a whole bunch of orcs to descend on them, plus a cave troll. The cave troll almost killed Frodo and Merry and Pippin jumped on it. Then the cave troll knocked Merry off, bruising him badly and almost succeeding in knocking his jaw back into place. Almost. Not quite.

Later on they were running away from the orcs and he and Pippin had a contest to see who could run fastest. Pippin won.

**_Merry angst…_**

Yeah, sorry that this one was so short. I need suggestions for things for the others to do that Gandalf gets mad at them for. Anything. But I'm really short on ideas. Please tell me in reviews!


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